Ponderables
If 'poli' means 'many', and 'tics' are 'blood-sucking creatures', then what does 'politics' really mean?
The mighty oak tree was once a little nut that held its ground.
How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?
Is a pessimist's blood type b-negative?
What's another word for thesaurus?
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"? ·
A sure way to learn is by ignoring good advice. But there is a cost.
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Feed your faith and your doubts will starve to death...
God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts...
Do geese get people bumps?
What's the opposite of "out of whack"? "In whack"? "whacked?"
Do Dutch people always split the bill?
Some folks wear their halos much too tight...
A successful marriage isn't finding the right person - it's being the right person.
The best way to get even is to forget...
When a cow freaks out, do people say it's "having a person"? How often do you see a cow actually upset?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone just move 10 miles away?
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
You have to wonder about some people, they think God is dead and Elvis is alive!
You'll notice that a turtle only makes progress when it sticks out its neck...
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese.
To forgive is to set the prisoner free, and then discover the prisoner was you.
You'll notice that a turtle only makes progress when it sticks out its neck...
Is there a support group for people who are hooked on phonics?
Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
What do you do when you discover an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
Is it true cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
Is there another word for synonym?
How come success always happens in private, and failure in full view?
Words are windows to the heart.
When a cow laughs, does milk come out of its nose?
If olive oil comes from olives, and corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
You know that stuff they make the indestructible black boxes out of? Why don't they make the entire plane out of it?
If 'con' is the opposite of 'pro', then is congress the opposite of progress?
How come the word 'one' has a 'w' sound in it, but the word 'two' doesn't?
If your nose went on strike, would you picket?
Can you buy an entire chess set at a pawn shop?
Would Anne Frank mind all of these people reading her diary?
If you ate pasta and antipasti, would you still be hungry?
Do the Alphabet song (A,b,c,d...) and Twinkle Twinkle little star have the same tune? and ....Lastly, .... Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
How can someone be dirt poor, and another be filthy rich?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it the Fed UPs?
Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
If Practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, then why practice?
Did they have antiques in the olden days?
Sorrow looks back, worry looks around, and faith looks up...
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Is it possible to prove Murphy's Law? Or will something always go wrong when you try?
How can someone 'draw a blank'?
How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Shouldn't an escalator which is going down be called a deescalator?
If the Cincinnati Reds were the first major league baseball team, who did they play?
Is it okay to use an AM radio after noon?
If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
When crazy people walk through the forest, do they take the psycho path?
If your nose went on strike, would you picket?
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
Are part-time band leaders called semi-conductors?
Can you buy an entire chess set at a pawn shop?
If a bunch of cats jumped on top of each other, would it still be called a dog pile?
As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two words The and IRS together, it spells THEIRS?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
The bad news is that you are the slave of your past.
The good news is that you are the master of your future.
Taste makes waist.
Our deepest wound may heal to become our greatest strength.
What disease did cured ham actually have?
If a man with multiple personalities threatens suicide is it considered a hostage situation?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
Some marriages are made in heaven, but they ALL have to be maintained on earth.
Can you buy an entire chess set at a pawn shop?
Can a cemetery raise its prices and blame it on the cost of living?
What happens when you get scared half to death twice?
What do people in China call their good plates?
If the energizer bunny attacked someone, would he be charged with battery?
If time is the best teacher, why does it kill all of its students?
How do you let someone know you painted a 'wet paint' sign?
If a person thinks marathons are superior to sprints, is he a racist?
If people from Poland are called 'Poles', are people from Holland called 'Holes'?
If everything's possible, then is it possible that nothing is possible?
Do pigs ever pull their ham strings?
How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
If a man fell into an upholstery machine would he ever be fully recovered?
Do kleptomaniacs help themselves, because they can't help themselves?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Where do forest rangers go "to get away from it all"?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
To forgive is to set the prisoner free, and then discover the prisoner was you.
If money doesn't grow in trees then why do banks have branches?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
If the professor on Gilligan's island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all
the ACME items, why didn't
he just buy dinner?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same
tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
The bad news is that you are the slave of your past. The good news is that you are the master of your future.
Taste makes waist.
Our deepest wound may heal to become our greatest strength.
Is there a support group for people who are hooked on phonics?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown, too?
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
If a midget fortune teller was wanted by the police, would he be a small medium at large?
If a stealth bomber crashes in the forest, does it make a sound?
If olive oil comes from olives, and corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around, does he become disoriented?
If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how will anyone ever know?
If you have 50 odds and ends on a shelf, and you break 49 of them, are you left with an odd or an end?
If man evolved from monkeys, how come we still have monkeys?
If 'con' is the opposite of 'pro', then is congress the opposite of progress?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it naked? Or homeless?
Am I the only one who's concerned that what a doctor does to us is called his 'practice'?
What do little birdies see when they get conked on the head?
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw something at him?
If you home-school your child, and he calls in absent, where the heck is he?
Who does the wrong crowd get in with?
When they invented sliced bread, what did everyone say it was the best thing since?
Whose cruel idea was it to put an 's' in the word 'lisp'?
If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is around to hear it, do the other trees laugh at him?
If Jimmy cracks corn, and no one cares, why does he keep doing it?
When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
What do you do when you discover an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
Do radioactive cats have 18 half lives?
Is it true cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Is there another word for synonym?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
Is it possible to prove Murphy's Law? Or will something always go wrong when you try?
When I erase a word, where does it go?
Do Roman paramedics refer to 'IV's as '4's?
Does the bridge go over the water, or does the water go under the bridge?
What was going through the mind of the first person to yank on a cow's udder?
Do M & M's melt in your armpit?
They say that for every rule, there is an exception. Well, are there any exceptions to this rule?
If you lick the air, does it get wet?
How does a Scotsman know when it is time to tune his bagpipes?
Do blind Eskimoes have seeing eye sled dogs?
How come the word 'one' has a 'w' sound in it, but the word 'two' doesn't?
If someone has a mid-life crisis while playing hide-and-seek, do they automatically lose because they can't find themselves?
If you yelled at your plants, would they still grow, but only to be insecure?
Just before someone gets nervous, do they get cocoons in their stomach?
When you open a new bag of cotton balls, should you automatically throw away the top one?
If this country promises free speech, why do we have phone bills?
How come, at a wedding, the bride doesn't marry the best man?
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
If "Star Wars" takes place 'a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away', how come almost everyone speaks English?
Why are there no 'B' batteries?
How come peanuts that don't have shells are called 'shelled peanuts'. Shouldn't they be 'unshelled peanuts'?
If you mail a letter to your postal carrier, who delivers it?
Do preschools have preteachers?
If the Cincinnati Reds were the first major league baseball team, who did they play?
If the automobile club has a health plan, shouldn't the health club have an automobile plan?
If a bouncer gets drunk and unruly, who throws him out?
When Popeye blows through his pipe, why doesn't his face get sprayed with burning ash?
Was George Washington's brother the Uncle of Our Country?
When a masochist gets home from work, does he change into something more uncomfortable?
If you are not disgruntled does that mean your gruntled?
When you mix water and flour, you get glue. But if you add eggs and milk to that, you get cake. So where does the glue go?
How did Noah refrain from swatting those two mosquitoes?
If the guy who made the first drawing board made a mistake, what would he have gone back to?
If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
Do steam rollers really roll steam?
Do bald people have bad head days?
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the special Olympics?
Are part-time band leaders called semi-conductors?
When you step on the brakes, is your life in your foot's hands?
If there really are multiple universes, what do you call the thing they're all part of?
If a really stupid person got senile, would anyone notice?
If it's true that "Early to bed and early to rise makes you healthy, wealthy, and wise", why are chickens so poor and stupid?
If I melt dry ice, could I swim without getting wet?
What do chickens think people taste like?
What do people in China call their good plates?
If flying is so safe, why does every flight end at a 'terminal'?
Is it possible for two possums to fight to the death?
How will you know when you run out of invisible ink?
Do one-legged ducks swim in circles?
If someone told you he was a chronic liar, would you believe him?
Do those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't?
If a vacuum cleaner really sucks, is that good?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered "assassinated" instead of just "murdered"?
If Hooters started delivering to people's homes, would they have to change their name to Knockers?
When French people swear, do they say "pardon my English?"
If something "goes without saying", why do people still say it?
If a bunch of cats jumped on top of each other, would it still be called a dog pile?
If a criminal turns himself in, shouldn't he get the reward money?
How come boat Skippers don't skip?
If two identical twin brothers married identical twin sisters, would there kids be identical?
If ghosts can walk through walls, how come they don't fall through the floor?
How can someone be dirt poor, and another be filthy rich?
If a cop arrests a one-handed person, do they tell them to put their hands up? And do they still cuff them?
What is a picture of a thousand words worth?
If everything's possible, then is it possible that nothing is possible?
Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?
Do dumped farmers get John Deere letters?
If you have x-ray vision, and you can see through anything, wouldn't you see through everything and actually see nothing?
How did the headless horseman know where he was going?
What's the opposite of "out of whack"? "In whack"?
If you cut off a glowworm's tail would it be delighted?
If you say something is indescribable, isn't that describing it?
If some people are "overwhelmed", are the rest of the people just "whelmed"?
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
It is really "all purpose" flour? I mean, can I use it to bathe in or as a driveway sealer?
Light travels faster than sound - isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
If American mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks, do Chinese mothers use toothpicks?
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?
How did the "Don't Walk On The Grass" signs get there?
When snow melts, where does the white go?
When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time to set it to?
Are female moths called myths?
Do Australian's call the rest of the world "up over"?
If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?
If you jog backwards - will you gain weight?
Is a halfback worth more than a quarterback?
How do you get out club soda stains?
Is Karl Marx's grave a Communist plot?
If the Jacksonville Jaguars are know as the "JAGS", and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "BUCS", what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one person likes it?
Are people who jump off a Paris bridge in Seine?
If glassblowers inhale do they get a pane in the stomach?
Has anyone ever vanished WITH a trace?
If God sneezes, what should you say?
If Wal-Mart lowers prices every day, how come things aren't free yet?
If cats and dogs didn't have fur would we still pet them?
Is a pessimist's blood type b-negative?
How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
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Hymns for those weak in faith I Surrender, Some I Love to Talk About Telling the Story Take My Life and Let Me Be Where He Leads Me, I Will Consider Following Sit Up, Sit Up for Jesus Oh, for a Couple of Tongues to Sing My Hope Is Built on Nothing Much I'm Fairly Certain that My Redeemer Lives We Give Thee but Still Think We Own What an Acquaintance We Have in Jesus Blest Be the Tie that Doesn't Cramp My Style |
If lawyers are disbarred, and clergymen are defrocked does it follow that:
Electricians should be delighted,
Musicians - denoted,
Cowboys - deranged,
Models - deposed,
Dry Cleaners - depressed,
Laundry workers - decreased,
Bedmakers - debunked,
Baseball Players - debased,
Bulldozer Operators - degraded,
Organ Donors - delivered,
Software Engineers - detested,
Underwear makers - debriefed,
Composers - decomposed,
Politicians - devoted
Power plant workers - degenerate
If lawyers are disbarred, and
clergymen are defrocked does it follow that:
Electricians should be delighted,
Musicians - denoted,
Cowboys - deranged,
Models - deposed,
Dry Cleaners - depressed,
Laundry workers - decreased,
Bedmakers - debunked,
Baseball Players - debased,
Bulldozer Operators - degraded,
Organ Donors - delivered,
Software Engineers - detested,
Underwear makers - debriefed,
Composers - decomposed,
Politicians - devoted
Power plant workers - degenerate